Hey guys! So I’ve recently encountered some realizations (that’s life, right?) well I just started dating this guy, my ex- boyfriend actually. I know what you’re thinking “bad idea!” Am I right? Well in this case I believe it’s a really good idea. For someone like me who hasn’t been in too many relationships in my lifetime (besides friends— it’s been ALOT) this one seems to be a good one and that is because he seems to be the guy I have been waiting for, that “right” kind of man. You know the one that just knows pretty much everything he needs to know to get you; respect, honesty, friendship, love, etc.
Well yea so were dating again and it’s going well but with this new change in my life, comes new realizations and lessons to take along to the next step. So far I’ve learned that a certain amount of vulnerability and openness is the key when it comes to relationships, as well as career endeavors and being able to truly find out who you really are. Now if you know me, you know I don’t like to be too vulnerable or open and that goes with almost everything I indulge myself into in life. It’s probably caused by some past issues with people (isn’t it always–blah) and with that trust issues undoubtedly come into play. But I won’t get into all the little details of the drama I’ve faced in my past (well not in this post-ha) but I will just say, I am still growing as a person and there are still some wounds in need of patching up. This will help me to begin my next few steps.
This brings me to my next rant (ha!), now that I have discovered that being guarded may be the thing that is holding me back from relationships and career undertaking I now know what to do. The best way to conquer is to overcome the fear holding you back and that is exactly what I aim to do. It certainly won’t be easy (like at all– ahh) but one thing I know about my self is that when I see a challenge especially one within my person I have to defeat it so I won’t be held back any longer. My past scars are something I have been steadily working on for a few months now and I can say I am coming closer to the woman I am; by doing so.
Anyway, my career, my future and where “I am supposed to be” by a certain stage in life has been plaguing me lately. So what I’ve done with this fear of the unknown is instead of freaking out awaiting an answer (although I did freak out for a bit-ayy!) I am going to use the answers I do have and I am going after my interest’s full force (language, music, business, art, fashion etc.) in doing so I will build myself up from there. This is also one of those times when I gather inspiration from other people, whether they be celebrity or a peer and I find what it is that is of interest to me and I like to take that into my own creative juices and make it my own.
And I did! I came across the freddieharrel page a bit ago and I was touched by her confidence to be so transparent about her life’s up’s & down’s within her blog platform. This is a confidence factor I feel I’ve been somewhat lacking, even though that was and still is my goal in the making of “The Journey of Mine“. I thought to myself “how can I make my blog “diaries” a bit more personable?”, well that my dear would be to show the public who you are, how you feel, and what you think, leave the fear of being vulnerable and judged behind and just be YOU (I definitely talk to myself from time to time– ha). So with that said I thank you Freddie for helping to inspire me to get back on my intended track and moving me towards a more transparent and un-guarded way of blogging and living.
Here are the steps I took to get my mindset right again:
- First I recognized what it is that was holding me back
- Second I made a conscious decision to not let that “thing” hold me back any longer
- Thirdly I began to open myself up to allow great changes and to let my true self fly free
Just re-building the confidence within myself since I am a work in progress (always) and I hope some of you can connect with me on this and maybe we can both grab a little inspiration from each other as the journey continues.
Till next time guys!